I went into this wedding planning thing confident that I was not in danger of becoming a Bridezilla. In my opinion, that only happened when a Bride was overly spoiled, and, well, I do not consider myself to be
spoiled.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Mmmhmm. That’s what they
all say.”
But really, even being critical of myself, I wouldn’t call
myself spoiled.
- “Well taken care of?” Yes.
- “Loved?” Yes.
- “Blessed?” Yes.
- “Comfortable?” Yes.
- “Critical with high standards and and expectations?” Duh.
But not spoiled. I keep my head about me, consider other peoples feelings, and can cope with disappointment and frustration.
So, like I said, was not at all worried about going crazy.
My confidence has since waned.
You see, the problem was my assumption that all Bridezillas were the same; that
they were selfish creatures bent on getting their own way, no matter
who they had to guilt or steamroll in the process. As I get deeper into the
jungle we call “Wedding Planning,” I’ve come to realize that there are multiple
kinds of ‘Zillas. While they all exhibit similar traits and tendencies, the
three Types have distinct origins and treatability and are definitely not all alike.
As such, I’ve developed a “Field Guide” (if you will), in an
attempt to help everyone else identify, understand, and deal with the slight
differences between the Types. My observations and conclusions come from years
of studying the species in her natural habitat (as an event planner) as well as
my newly acquired first-hand experience.
Before we begin, please consider the following quotes:
- “Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust
upon them?”
- Galinda (from the musical, “Wicked”)
- “Some people are born great, some achieve greatness, and
some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.”
- Malvalio (from Shakespeare’s “Twelfth Night”)
I use these quotes to highlight the fact that not every ‘Zilla
is created equal. Some come by it naturally (Type A), some choose it (Type B),
and some (I’d venture to say most) fall victim to it. Let’s look at the types a
little closer.
Type A
These are the ‘Zillas that are “born with” the gene. Not in
the same way that you might be born with freckles or green skin, but in that
way that it’s predestined in your personality and demeanor. In my study, I’ve
found that this Type is generally a product of poor breeding (i.e. they’re
spoiled). They are also relatively rare (in the big picture).
We all know these girls. We deal with them on a regular
basis. We excuse their behavior because they “can’t help themselves it’s how
they were raised,” then we complain about them behind their backs. It’s the
natural order of things. If you find yourself dealing with this Type, it is likely
that you have already accepted her as she is, and therefore are honestly not
surprised when the affliction presents itself.
Because of the in-born nature of this Type, their affliction
is mostly incurable and irreversible. It’s who they are, it’s who they’ve
always been. We must choose either to keep loving them or just admit they’ll
never change and move on. Luckily, their affliction is not necessarily more
extreme in the throes of wedding planning than it is in normal life, so you may
not even notice a significant change.
Type B
These ‘Zillas are those that “achieve” the gene. I’d like to
believe that there are fewer of this kind than there are of Type A, but I do
not have sufficient data to back up that assumption (on top of the fact that my
gut tells me I’m wrong).
These girls are the most difficult to deal with throughout the
process. They don’t necessarily surprise us when they turn, but they also no
longer reflect their “normal” selves. The issue with this Type is that they’re
driven to change. They want it. They work for it. They take their badge of “Bride-to-Be”
and milk it for all it’s worth, passing off their behavior as permissible
simply because they are “stressed,” “tired,” or “overworked.” (Mmhmm, we
TOTALLY believe you. You definitely aren’t just taking this opportunity to be a witch because you have a ready-made excuse.)
For these ‘Zillas, while there's no escaping the crazy in the middle of it, the prognosis is somewhat positive: it’s
a matter of getting through the wedding.
Their affliction is short-lived and unsustainable post-vows. Just hang on
friends, this too shall pass. (Now…whether you continue to speak with them post
nuptially is totally up to you…no one will judge your decision. We’ve all been
there, dealt with that.)
Type C
Finally, there are those who have ‘Zilla-ness “thrust upon them.”
They show no predisposition, and do not choose to cross over to the dark side,
it just happens for some reason. I believe that these are, by far, the most
common iteration of the species.
They are your loved girlfriends – the kind no one would
expect to “turn” – but then something happens…and it’s like they’ve gotten a
bad virus. One day, they’re your sweet, engaged friend, the next they’re threatening
to burn down a bakery. It happens without much warning and progresses very
quickly.
The up-side to this version of the affliction? It’s highly
curable. In all reality, it may not even last more than a few minutes, provided
the appropriate treatment steps are taken. The problem is, however, that folks
are reluctant to attempt treatment because they’ve been burned before by the
stereotypes (or ideas and stories thereof) of Types A & B. She’s frequently
left to deal with her condition on her own, which is sad because, in reality, it’s
generally not her fault (much like
getting the flu is not the victim’s fault).
Because Type C is so misunderstood, her condition frequently
lasts much longer than it should. In an attempt to change this fact and help
Type C sufferers everywhere, I’d like to take a closer look at Type C
Bridezillas – specifically the symptoms of the affliction, the possible causes,
and the related available treatments – so that we might be better prepared to
help any we encounter in the future.
Symptoms (could include but are not limited to):
- insomnia
- extreme weight gain or loss
- indecisiveness (when highly advanced, could present as
apathy)
- easily triggered, uncontrollable crying
- untriggered, uncontrollable crying
- death threats to family, friends, vendors, random passers-by
(followed by uncontrollable crying)
- inexplicable hatred for certain colors, patterns, cake
flavors, or names
- irrational behavior or outbursts
Causes (could include but are not limited to):
- egotistical vendor behavior
- “bridal” price inflation
- lack of sleep (see symptoms)
- too many opinions
- too many options
- Pinterest pressure
In my experience, the most common cause is egotistical vendor
behavior. I’ve heard way too many vendors complain time and time again about
Bridezillas that have caused them problems, forcing them
to “add this policy” and “do it this way.”
Really? You’re blaming your issues on them? Let’s explore that one a little
further.
If you are a wedding vendor, please note the following:
- You are not the only one capable of doing what you do (you’re
likely one of very, very many)
- You are not the only vendor a Bride will speak to (again,
you are only one of many)
- Brides are paying YOU. You are trying to win their business,
not the other way around
- This time is stressful for her, and she’s likely new at it.
Do not expect her to be the expert. Help her, teach her, be patient with her.
- Make her feel special. Sure, you may see a thousand brides a
year, but she only interacts with you once. Make it worth her while. She isn’t
a number, a pocketbook, or a hassle.
As both a planner and a Bride, I’ve had far too many interactions
with vendors who think they’re the end-all, be-all. In my experience, the ones
who acted like they hung the moon were typically far inferior in their output
than the vendors who bent over backwards for their Brides.
Here’s a tip: when you’re kind to people, they’ll be kind
back.
It’s that simple, guys. Get down off your high horse, stop
expecting the Bride to try and win your business, and consider what all she is
going through. If you’re too hard to deal with, too snobby, too “we do it this
way and no other way so there,” you’re going to get killed by the vendors who
treat Brides like friends. Try a little harder. YOUR actions are creating the
Bridezillas you complain about.
Okay, off my soapbox now. Back to the subject at hand.
I mentioned earlier that Type C Bridezillas are curable.
And, bonus, it turns out it’s relatively easy to treat the symptoms and reverse
the condition. Take a look at the available options below.
Treatment (options include but are not limited to):
- NOT being an egotistical jacka**
- Hugs (can be administered via pretty much anyone and still
achieve the same effect)
- Chocolate (any variety, really. May also substitute cupcakes
or pie.)
- Flowers
- Lunch dates (where you don’t talk about the wedding unless
SHE brings it up)
- Tea (Hot or cold. Sweet or unsweet. It's medicine for the soul, y’all)
- Weekends off (again, where you don’t talk about the wedding)
And most importantly:
encouraging words. Wedding planning is
hard, y’all. She needs to know she’s doing a good job. She’s likely doubting every
choice she makes, every dollar she spends. Remind her that this only lasts for
a little while. Remind her to enjoy the little things. Remind her that she is
smart, and beautiful, and loved, and important. She needs to hear it. Daily. It
never gets old.
Some Bridezillas can’t be cured. But most can. So when you
encounter one, don’t just see her condition and assume it’s her fault. Don’t
write her off over a few little outbursts or angry words. Hug her, tell her it’s
going to be okay, and buy her a cup of tea. It’ll cure her and right the world –
and she’ll be forever thankful.
This was not written in an attempt to excuse behavior. There is no excuse for treating people badly. But, mistakes happen and we all snap sometimes. I’m speaking from experience and I know this to be true. So, don't ignore our behavior, but be patient, understanding, and forgive us, please.
Signed,
A recovering (and occasionally relapsing) Type C
